Saturday, 19 February 2011

Realisation

"A great love, is a lot like a good memory, when it's there, and you know it's there, but it's just out of your reach. it can be all you think about.
You can focus on it and try to force it, but the more you do the more you seem to push it away.
But if you're patient and you hold still, maybe, just maybe, it'll come to you."

<3

Inception

She wraps her arms around my neck and i position my arms around her waist, we hold each other. The feel of her body close to mine and the sweet smell of her hair washes over me, spreading a warmth from my head to my toes. I am reluctant to let this perfect moment but eventually she loosens her hold and moves back. But this time instead of moving away she keeps her arms around me, and before I'm able to contemplate this abnormality she leans towards me and lightly kisses me on the lips before releasing me and skipping away to join her friends.
I am momentarily stunned. Confused. Unable to take in what just happened. My first kiss, i never thought it would happen to me. I slowly raise my finger to my mouth and touch the place our lips met. Time seems to have stopped but as reality slowly comes back to me i am filled with a joy i have never experienced before, butterflies explode in my stomach with such force i find it difficult to breathe but a small smile still manages to twitch the corner of my mouth. I love her, she loves me, and right now it feels like it could last forever.

-For the month of December, 2010-

*Inception = "The beginning of something"

Wednesday, 22 December 2010

A-Zen of LIFE.

So in my previous post i mentioned my views on life and personality; how we should treat one another.
Well recently i was in HMV buying posters to fill the large areas of blank wall in my room, i bought a Paramore poster, a You Me At Six poster, a Halo: Reach poster and an "A-Zen of Life" poster.
Obviously these are posters of things i enjoy but it is the last one i want to mention the most.
Because as i said previously about my veiws on life, this poster pretty much sums my veiws up!
So i had to buy it when i saw it because i thought, if its on your wall you'l see it everyday and might find it easier to follow the points!

So there it is. I don't know if you can read the writing.
But we should all follow these!

Instead of a song of the day, today's is a quote of the day:
Its from Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift, not a film you'd expect a meaningful line from but there was a few.
Here is one:
Sean: "So why'd you let me use your car? You knew i was gonna wreck it."
Han: "It's just a car"
Sean: "Still, thats a lot of money thrown away"
Han: "I have money, its trust and character i need around me, one car to see what a man's made of? That's a price i'm willing to pay."
Sean: "So why don't you ever race?"
Han: "What's the point of a race?"
Sean: "To prove i'm better then the other guy."
Han: "Just proves you're faster that's all, if i were to race, it'd have to be for something important"

Think about that.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

How Can You See Into My Eyes?

I'm not really sure how to start this. We know that this isn't really like keeping a diary, it's more of an online counsellor where we come to spill our troubles. However I know from experiance that talking to someone can help you so much, if you cant do that then write down what is wrong. Sometimes when it's before you, you can more easily sort your confusions.
Funny; i once told a girl i cared about so much that if she had problems (and she has many) she should talk to me about them, because i wanted to help. I told her instead of punching that wall with anger, she should sit down, breathe slowly and if needed, write down what was troubling her and any possible solutions. Ironic perhaps; that this same person and her new love are the only cause of confusion and unhappiness in my life nowadays. There was a "confrontation" last night between her new boyfriend and me; i said something on a Facebook post of hers that was honestly meant in good humour and he picked me up on it and began accusing me of various things.
I think at this point i need to stop and; attempt to the best of my ability to explain me. How i am, how i see.
I am proud to say i am a very optimistic person, i have always had the ability to see the good side of any situation. For example; my girlfriend whom i loved very much dumped me, this tore me apart for weeks. But my friends told me they were suprised how fast i got over her, i know how i did it. I told myself the truth, however much my instinct was to weep and weep and beg to have her back with me, it was better without her. If she hadn't ended it; we would have been living a lie, and wouldn't have been any happier. I knew that missing something you can't have is pointless and i believe that sorrow and unhappiness are a waste of time, this is how i got over her faster even though honestly it was not fun or easy. My second example is when my Grandad died; another very sad occasion that upset me. However, wherever he is or isn't, he's not in pain any more.
I also believe that everyone should attempt to be nice to everyone else around them no matter the circumstances. I know that getting angry with someone will never help the situation, and violence isn't the answer. This enables me to pull off something else i am proud of, and i wish everyone could do; if somebody is insulting me or offending me, it doesn't work. I can safely say with evidence that you cannot offend me, because i just think about how pathetic that person is, and remember that aggression of word or fist is not a solution. I always respond calmly.
This leads me back to my confrontation; he picked me up on something i'd said. Now something else about me is i am is very self-critical and neutral; meaning if someone says i have been cocky or elitist i honestly step back and consider this instead of retorting angrily. Our confrontation last night was a back and forth... discussion, to him it was probably an argument but i know that i was calm throughout so to me it was merely a discussion which I ended by telling him the truth; that i do not hate him in any small way. This is something that he is surely very lucky to have? He took my girlfriend from me and always attacks everything i do; yet i do not hold anything agaisnt him. I ended by also saying that i would at anytime be prepared to shake his hand and forget our differences. He told me to "get my head out the clouds". In the course of this discussion he talked angrily and swore a few times. I did neither of those.
HOWEVER, this is where my critical side comes in, the last paragraph may sound cocky or one sided, but i am very very aware that he could be justified in his accusations. I think that everything about me i have told you could be taken the wrong way and anyone could claim that i think i am better then everyone.
This is what he claims, that i am arrogant and elitist. If this is the impression i give this will sadden me deeply because i know that this is the complete opposite of what i think and believe in. Unfortunatly you have only my word to take for that, and i know there are some like him who will not. But i do not call him prejudiced, i am only saddened that he does not understand me how i would like him too. In all honesty i do not think many people understand me. In fact the person who might do isn't really a well known friend at all, we merely talk occasionally when some event brings us together. But i refused to hold a grudge agaisnt her when my best friends were telling me too because it goes agaisnt what i believe is right, i know you should stand with your friends and defend them but i will not hate someone for them. I think this person understood me the best because in their unfortunate circumstance i was able to show how i think. They told me once:
"You are one of the nicest people I have ever met. I don't want to sound patronising but you're really wise and it kinda surprised me when I first got to know you! I really respect your views and how you treat other people. You're really genuine and selfless and you don't see that a lot with people. :)"

This is maybe the only time that anyone has told me this, and its all i've ever wanted to hear to be honest, it proves that at least one person knows me how i see myself. Thank you.
I was lying in bed last night after the confrontation; and i thought in one of those moments, i could see.. now this may sound strange but i speak honestly, i could see why people need religion.
Because i do not believe in a God, or a Heaven, or consequences if we're bad. I have no purpose to attempt to be kind to everyone and to not be aggressive or selfish, i'm not trying to go to Heaven (although it is said that those who attempt to get to heaven go to hell because they are selfish or something). Sometimes i wish i had a purpose, that there could be a god and i am working towards some greater good. But i do not believe this, so my attitude to life is not based on anything. But it is what i believe is the right thing to do. There is no-one to judge what is right or wrong, this is just what i think. In the end, we are all responsible for ourselves and others. God or not we decide our fate. I watched the new Karate Kid film today, some good moral messages there. "Sometimes life will throw you down, it is up to you whether you get back up or not". Another favourite of mine is from Batman Begins: "Why do we fall? so we can learn to pick ourselves up". I think this is true, unfortunatly it is inevitable that in our lives we may have to fight and we WILL fall at some point. But it is only up to us to ensure we fight for the right reasons, and that we do get back up. Anything is possible if you have faith in yourself, sometimes it is the only thing left to have faith in, but it is the most important thing to believe.

I think this concludes my thoughts for today.
If you ever wondered why I smile so much. This picture explains it all.Be happy. Life is too short and precious to waste on negative thoughts and feelings :)
Life is too short to waste on negative thoughts and feelings.

Song of the day:
"Because the judge of you is someone i could never be,
S'why you should thank the lord that it is him and it's not me,

But don't give up it's not the end,
There's hope for every fallen man,
To pick themselves up when they think they can't,
Cos with every passing second comes a second chance."

** Hope for every fallen man [Acoustic] -- Relient K **

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

How Times Change.

Wow its really been such a long time since i blogged! In fact its been too long because so much has happened since my last post.
I just went and read through all the posts ive ever posted from first to last. It was really interesting! Like re-reading diary entries i guess. I notice how much i talked about Sian and how much i loved her, and how much i talked about people with break-ups.

Funny how things have come around.

So since my last post things have happened. Number one was: Sian dumped me. Now it was really weird re-reading how i felt about her months ago. But i'm not ashamed and i don't take it back because i meant everything i said. In fact, i think i'll show her this blog.. I never did tell her about this, and i dont want to make her feel guilty or anything but if i can look back and smile at the memories then maybe she can too? Hehe.
Like i said when i was re-reading my blogs i talk about break-ups, that was because my relationship was amazing and we felt so invincible while other people were breaking down. Seems the circle has come about and it's finally my turn.
But Sian dumped me about... 5 weeks ago now, so im pretty sure i've moved on now so im not as sad now. I can honestly say i've never felt as upset in my life as that night it ended. But as i always said in my blogs; life goes on doesn't it. And whatever i'm fine now so hey its cool. And we're still best friends which is perfect!! Cos its funny, while we were going out we agreed we'd still be friends if we broke up, and i'm glad she honoured that promise. I dont care what she says about herself she is a lovely person at heart.
Its certainly weird now though, not loving someone.. because now i have loved i feel like i need someone to love again, something IS missing in me. Not Sian's part of my heart that's healed itself. But it is so nice having someone to care for and who cares for you. In fact i just saw a facebook group called "Like if you've wasted your time on someone" well im certainly not joining that because it waws truly worth every second! Just because things've changed now doesn't mean we didnt once feel that way. I think, i do miss the memories, there are just so many happy times that even though i might not love her the same anymore i would still re-play because you should never forget the happy times in your life. Its SO easy to focus on the negative but you have to fight that and be positive. Thats my belief.
Other thing's that are going on: well it seems everyones breaking up at the moment anyway so me and 2 of my best mates get to enjoy being dumped together! fun.... hah. But yeah i'm really confused about whats going on with one of my best friends his ex seems to be accusing me of shit stirring.. this has really upset me because i dont want to cause trouble! i dont want enemies. And i've thought about everything i've said to anyone and i'm sure i haven't "shit stirred".. At least not on purpose but im sure i havent done anything. But i will say it clearly shows how much people value my friendship if they just automatically accuse me of making trouble. From my point of view someone else is causing the trouble but i won't say who. Its a delicate situation but its also really quite a stupid one.

Haha i love the way my first blog after months is soooo negative.
BUT i'm not feeling negative, i'm in a good mood most of the time, one thing being with Sian did was show me how to enjoy things way more. Everything is suddenly so much funnier then it used to be and i think its the contagious way Sian laughs at everything thats rubbed off on me hehe. Well i'll continue this positiveness by saying that Sian has really changed me so much for the better! I can't thank her enough for it to be honest. Being in a relationship with someone who was so understanding and easy going meant that the shy-quiet boy i used to be has gained sooo much more confidence and its great! I'm definately more outgoing and confident about everything then i once was. And unlike some people seem to say the break-up hasn't meant i never want a relationship ever again because i was hurt, because i'm a positive person i focus on all those happy moments that happened really over ALL of my Year 10 year. Now i try not to use emoticons here, but this deserves a happy face.

^_^

Hehe. Well that's probably it for now, OH apart from i recorded myself singing because i wanted to see what it was like. Unfortunatly what i can hear sounds much different when played back to me. So i think i'll need lessons or something. Because i can't play an instrument, but i really enjoy singing. Im just bad at it. hah.
OH and another thing, i've considered starting VLogging.... thats Video Logging. I'm inspired by two people on youtube (Search for KimmiTalks and DaveDays) who do this and they make it look quite entertaining! And Dave writes and plays songs so he's like my singing inspiration and he did a joint song with Kimmi and i love it way too much! Kimmi is just generally awesome, i know you can't say that about someone you only know on youtube but she's so funny and rather cute (okay so she's 18 but you know..). But if anyone asks me who my favourite celebrity is, its her. Even if she's not famous muahaha. And she's australian! Which trebles her coolness. But yeah there you have it haha. She says we should all keep smiling, which is so true! and her videos cheer me up if i'm down cos they're funny and so random.
Right i think thats it now. It is fun blogging like this, somewhere were you can just write about how you feel it really helps you make desisions if you can see them laid out before you!

Now i always try to end with a song don't i!
But i don't know which one to pick today!!

So i'm going to say the song names instead.

The Reason - Hoobastank:  This song really means so much to me. It is PERFECT for me, especially after my little.. break-up.

Olive You - Dave Days feat. Kimmi Smiles: Hahaha this one had to come here, because its such a cute song!

Over You - Daughtry: Well i said about this song months ago, but now it actually applies to me haha.

Cya'l!
Keep smiling!

Tuesday, 27 July 2010

So.

Wouldn't it be nice not to care :(

Saturday, 3 July 2010

"Welcome to the beginning of the end of your life..." lmao

Nice little quote from Halo: Reach there...
Well I don't need to say I haven't blogged in ages because its obvious.
Just got back from Iceland, definitely the best trip of a lifetime ever! Just so spectacular..
Lalalala ive actually forgotten what i was going to say, well that makes this post pointless haha!
Ive got really into loads of songs recently including "Daughtry" , Now i must admit i sort of protect music i like rather jealously. As in i might not give away songs i like because i enjoy being the only person i know with them.BUT being the unselfish and self-critical person i am means i understand this is a stupid and selfish thing to think so i ignore these thoughts.
If only everyone could evaluate their actions.
Indeed.
Well the best Daughtry songs are:
  • Life After You
  • What About Now
  • Home
  • Home (Acoustic)
  • Feels Like Tonight
  • Over You
I'm still not sure which is my favourite, however i like Over You, Life After You and What About Now the most. Over You is about getting over a break-up and realising they weren't all you expected or needed, I think it is a happy song because of this reason. Its not about being down, its about moving on. Which unfortunately we sometimes need to do. Westlife did a famous cover of What About Now; however i think they ruined this song; Daughtry's is better.

"What about now? What about today? 
What if you're making me, all that i was meant to be. 
What if our love, never went away? 
What if it's lost behind, words we can never find.."

I think Blogger is making Grooveshark run slowly because it won't load any songs. Oh wait there we go.
Its playing Over You at the moment, good stuff.
Isn't it funny how music can really affect how you feel? How some people listen to music of a certain tone or genre because of its themes and mostly because of what it says. Some music can be really deep and meaning, and really move you to emotion, for example My Immortal by Evanescense once made me cry, when my life was perfectly happy. Proving that either i am a spineless emotional wreck, or music really can inspire emotions.
People probably listen to sad music when they're down because when the song sings about say, a relationship break-up. People like this because it describes how they're feeling. And they feel connected to this song because it is almost like you're listening to somebody with the same problem, and you understand.
 She didn't really fall off her bike.

Just a few other songs that i've heard recently:
  • Far Away - Nickelback    ... This was my Iceland song really, because it was about being away from the one you love.
  • Quote - Evans Blue  ... Nice beginning i think, it is a sadder song though.
  • Time after Time - Elliot Minor  ... Orchestral Rock song.
So there we go, anyone bored enough can listen to those. Or you could just ignore this and go back to sleep...

Cya'l!

*"Insert favourite song lyrics here"*